...Many people have asked me, "Was it worth it?" My mind then zips back to the nuclear missile silo, with Sachio and myself standing euphorically on top of it. So, my answer is, "Yes, it was".

Three years of prison were painful in many ways; however, in looking back, an analogy that arises is of a mother giving birth. I'm both the mother and the newborn child. The new me feels less driven and more the driver, less blaming and more understanding, less fearful and more accepting of the future.

With each step of the whole process, a big question in my mind was, "How far can I go in cooperating with this unjust system?" It's been a struggle, maintaining a balance between conscience, integrity, and personal needs felt at the time. Thoughts of Corbett Bishop often arose. He was a total noncooperator who would not move his body while in prison, to the extent of not even using a prison toilet. My noncooperation would be much more modest. I would not accept a plea bargain, pay war taxes, or work at a prison job that involved the repair or building of prisons. The consequences of taking these stands have been considerable, but tolerable and with no regrets. I am inspired by those who have noncooperated extensively - and have suffered much as a result. Some are known personally - Jennifer Haines, Rev. Steve Kelly, S.J. come to mind.

What is the most important lesson that I've learned from the last four years? When we recognize a certain truth, but fail to act or mobilize our selves in concert with the truth that we see - the cost is great. Our spirit crumbles. Also, we deny ourselves the opportunity to know our true selves, hidden from us by so many fears and cultural influences. Recognition of a truth without being followed by personal action, in my experience, is little more than an abstraction, an untried idea or theory. Similar to a baby playing with a ball to know that a ball is a ball, so must we play around with what we recognize as a truth in order to own it for ourselves. To do otherwise is to permit that truth to become distorted and twisted by others who would use it for selfish purposes. The times we live in now speak volumes in this regard. A person may recognize the beauty of growing and living things through observation, but only through working the soil with one's own hands will that person become a gardener. It follows that a person who sees a gardener in herself or himself is a big step closer to knowing the self to be a nurturer of living things. By some mysterious and wonderful internal process, personal action is the cement that connects us closely to our true selves.

Prison had its rewards. I always looked forward to daily yoga, meditation, and five-mile walks around the outside track. Although I often had a feeling of isolation, even being around so many prisoners and guards, their varied personalities were a great learning experience. Mail and visits with friends kept me going, along with a good support person and friend, Carol Bellucci. It was a delight, working at Mt. Pleasant Home during my final three months at a Boston halfway house. After release in October 2001, I began three years of supervised release (probation). Sachio and I cannot in good conscience pay restitution to rebuild the missile silo. We have chosen an alternative of doing public service work, which does not reimburse the military or Air Force. I'm working three days a week with the Natural Resource Conservation Service, a branch of the U.S. Department of Agriculture. They are doing good work in this area and much of the public service work is enjoyable to me...

...More than anything else, what sustained me through it all was knowing that the creator of a beautiful sun that arose predictably over the horizon each morning - was with me and that I was doing the Creator's work.

[Daniel Sicken was released last October after serving a 41 month sentence for the Minuteman III Plowshares disarmament action.]